Dear Ashley Olsen,

It being the holidays all, I figured this is probably a good time to spread peace and love and goodwill (of the conceptual and cheap clothing varieties) so I thought it was important to remind you that I think you are super-cool.

I know you probably feel a little left out sometimes and maybe even a little insulted by the way you get tossed aside in favor of MK, please don't. Ash, the truth is I <3 you too and when I ran across this picture of you it really reminded me of some of your great qualities:

1) Love the shoes, Ash! You have gorgeous clothes. I may think MK has better style (not that many, many, many people don't disagree with me) but sometimes she can take the dumpster chic thing a tad far, and in those cases you are refreshing because you're a little more glam, a little more label-conscious, a little more polished....in a nutshell you're bling-blingin'.

2) Love, love the super skinny pants!! Um, I don't have anywhere I was planning on taking that, I just love your pants. They're pretty.

3) Love, love, love the venti Starbucks!!! And that's really what reminded me of how much I like you, because people who always drink venti are just way cooler than people who drink lame 'grande' and ultra-lame 'tall'. Please, don't even get me started on the pretentious fucks who refuse to use Starbucks' sizes and ask for a 'medium' coffee. Anyway, I know that you understand how I feel when I'm stuck in line behind one of said fucks and am about to be late for school, and it feels so good to have a fellow venti-drinker to talk to about this!

In conclusion, Happy Holidays!
<3 LCP

Jindsay Knohan

(That hybrid name is in honor of Katrina because she's sick of me appending Ls onto guys' names....are you happy now, Katrina?)

Innyhoo, an interesting tidbit from the Defamer's latest Privacywatch...

"...There was a Johnny Knoxville sighting at the Troubadour last Monday. It was a free night with a couple of local bands but who shows up with Johnny Knoxville with none other than Lindsay Lohan. He proceeds to try & buy her drinks the whole night while the staff tells him repeatedly, no she is underage. I guess he got what he came for without the drinks as they then proceeded to make out in the front bar at the end of the night. Just writing this feels as creepy as those two together.

What? Not all bars serve Lindsay Lohan drinks???? Do they not know who LiMoLo is? Do they not know that laws do not apply to celebrities? Re: the whole Knoxville thing, that doesn't really bother me because I watched Jackass the other day and I decided he's super hot.

So Far and Yet So Close

They may discard of boyfriends quite easily but they will never be able to grow apart from each other.

Important question: Did Nicole do it first or did Paris do it first? I vote Nicole because....um, no good reason I just hate Paris.

[WOW Report]

If You're Going to Say It, Say It With a Pretentious Accent

Christian Lacroix

Comme des Garçons

Hermès

Jean Paul Gaultier

For tons more helpful audio tutorials on how to keep people from laughing at you go here. (or on the other hand, perhaps how to make people laugh at you since I doubt you can pull of the smooth insertion of perfectly accented fashion labels in your everyday conversation, but props to you if you can.)

[via Flypaper]

Playing Gay is the New Playing Ugly?

From the looks of these award-season contenders, I would have to say yes....

...which is not to say that guys can't play fat and ugly like girls can. (*cough* George Clooney *cough cough*)

For tons more (brilliantly annotated) awards seasons posters check out the rest of the WOW Report's roundup of the males and a pithy analysis of the females as well.

Sienna Miller Admits She Has No Taste.....Sort Of

But she did say:

"I used to have horrible style.....I was mental so you're lucky I've changed!"

....you've changed? Oh Sienna, you'd come so far admitting you look terrible, and then you have to go and pretend it was all in the past! Sienna do you even look at yourself before you leave the house and influence people around the world with your bad choices.

And are you saying that the black jumpsuit thingy (above) is a change for the better? Wow.

[Contact Music]

The Better Twin

...gets her shot at going solo.

And I think we all know that W is cooler than Harper's Bazaar! Puh-leeze, Ash, don't even try to compete with this.

(Although, MK's lips do look shockingly Ash-like in this photo...I thought the fish pout was all Ashley's and MK ruled the lip purse, I guess she too breaks out the pout when it comes to super important photos)

[Popsugar]

Another One Bites the Dust

And this time it's actually kind of sad because they were such a cute couple. (Okay, it's not sad exactly but of all annoying celebrity couples, these two were very low on the annoyingness list and very high on the cute-color-coordinating outfits list...so that will definitely be missed) Here's Us's official announcement:

Us Weekly has learned exclusively that Nicole Richie, 24, and fiance Adam ‘’D.J. AM'’ Goldstein, 32, have called it quits. ‘’They have decided to break off the engagement,'’ Richie’s rep Cindy Guagenti confirms to Us. ‘’The decision is mutual.'’

And here's Perez's (way more interesting) take on the issue:

"Adam was fed up with Nicole," said one source. "Her issues with her weight, I'm reluctant to say 'anorexia', caused her behavior to be very erratic and moody lately."

Another source said that...Adam found out that Nicole was 'partying' when he was away, and he does not tolerate that."

....Surely he's not mad at her for getting suddenly skinny? Granted, she used less orthodox methods to achieve it than him (cocaine vs. surgery?) but still, talk about the (ex-fat) pot calling the (ex-chubby) kettle black (skinny)!

[Us Weekly]
[Perez]

Potter Will Die

Seriously, in the last book.

Or not...especially considering it wouldn't exactly add much to the excitement now that everyone already knows--um, that it might happen.

[Potter Will Die Hollywood.com]

The Post Show

You should definitely check out The Post Show which has hilarious shorts every Monday and Thursday....

last Monday featured an especially touching episode covering "The Breakup" which rocked all of our worlds.....but not quite as hard as it rocked this guy's world, and you know, you probably just don't understand because you have a life.

Tombescence

My my.

The WOW Report notes the toll which years of "indecent rubbing" have taken on 19th century playboy Victor Noir's tomb.

[Tombescence WOW Report]

Ahnuld Goes Shopping

Ahnuld, as caught by a cameraphone wielding Defamer reader.

I'm curiously obsessed with Ahnuld--he's hilarious, look at that face, and tell me you can take him seriously! Plus, Defamer notes that,

"..the spectacular choice of camera angle makes it look as if part of his shoe-shopping ritual includes ensuring that all footwear also fits snugly around the ‘Lil Terminator."

Oh, Ahnuld.

[Citizen Paparazzi: The Govenor Shops at Barney's Defamer]

Incest is Best

by Kate and Lynn, as written in English class while stressing over our yet unbegun Hamlet essays...and modified later when I realized we wrote it in redondilla format instead of iambic pentameter (8 syllables per line instead of 10) Damn these stupid classes! How can they expect us to keep our Spanish literature separate from the English????

Our fabulous poetry is after the jump...

Methinks incest is best, Prince Hamlet said
As tangled he lay on his mother's bed.

Yet if you sleepeth with my mother dear,
Then wary be, of poison in thine ear.

And Laertes, with your sister tarry not,
Or soon the river's grasp may be her lot.

Good shit, huh? Spark Notes should totally hire us.

Welcome to the U.C., Bitch?

Let's just say that Ryan and Marissa ended up moving their happy couple-ness (Hm, have they ever remained a happy couple for the duration of even one episode?) to U.C. Berkeley.....they could totally continue the show and just change the name to the U.C.

However, I'm wondering whether the show is going to continue at all next year. The only way they could possibly continue it is if the gang all went to the same school, right? And that would put the kibosh on Seth's dreams of turtlenecks and furry hats. Oh well, Northern California would probably end up being way more foreign than he expects, after all L.C. and Kristin both noticed how extreme Bay Area weather gets when they visited San Francisco.

[The U.C. California Patriot Blog]

Tinsley Mortimer is the New Paris Hilton

...and she's been thus dubbed by the New York Social Diary and all I can say is: Ha Ha....that's what you get for flaunting your spoiled self in the the pages of the NY Times. Hmph, now all the little jealous people (like me) who hate you for getting free clothes can at least laugh at you because YOU'RE THE NEW PARIS HILTON mwah ha ha ha.

Here are the (remaining) differences between the two blonde camera whores (admittedly one much more whore-ish than the other):

"Oh there are differences. Mrs. Mortimer tends not to show as much flesh as Ms. Hilton. And although she looks more like a rich girl, the lifestyle is not as luxuriously flamboyant (i.e., Mrs. Mortimer Yellow Cabs it while Paris travels by Bentley or her parents’ SUV). And Mrs. Mortimer comes without the mystique of being an actual “heiress” (quotes intended). Although on the social scale in New York, with the name Mortimer, she’s up there. And on some social scales, way up there, far above her predecessor who, after all, is a California girl. "

Boo, to dissing California girls. After all, don't we wish they all could be California girls? Besides aren't those "sun-kissed" curls a total California girl wannabe thing happening? That's what I thought.

[Socialites in Borrowed Clothing? Quick, Take a Photograph NY Times]
[T’is Definitely the Season NY Social Diary]

Surgery! Seattle! Heartbreak! Enemas!

FINALLY TVgasm has started recapping Grey's Anatomy (the only good show on Sunday nights these days....excepting Family Guy of course)

This is an issue very close to my heart because I don't think that Grey's gets talked about nearly as often as it deserves (unlike some other crappier shows starring aging middle aged scarecrows)

I'm wondering what TVgasm will make of this show that I've been watching faithfully from the veeery first episode (I was in a hotel room in Vermont at the time, and actually that's the same trip where I saw my first episode of Lost too....see, college visiting trips are good for something!)

My current Grey's peeve: Izzie's scrubs! They're just waaay too tight and sooo unflattering! Sheesh, they're almost as fugly as (female) Dr. Shepard's salmon colored scrubs.

[Surgery! Seattle! Heartbreak! Enemas! TVgasm link]

America's Next Top Meteorologist

Eva Pigford: I'm even wearing a bra and I'm still cold.

--Madison between 28th & 29th

[Overheard in New York]

I was going to say something about how this just showed how classy the girls who win ANTM tend to be...but then I saw this picture of her and I realized that was unfair because bras probably are pretty much just for insulation on her.

Plum Dandy

Is "Plum Dandy" even a saying? I don't know I'm too spaced out to figure that one out at the moment, but in more important matters:

Plum Sykes (She's the brunette pictured at left with Tory Burch) is writing a second book!!! Yea! On my ranking of (bad but good) books Bergdorf Blondes would come before even the Shopaholic series, and that my friends, is HIGH praise!

I'm gleaning my late night info from a Style.com party report of some random party (the descriptions get old after a couple hundred parties so I just look at the photos) which says that,


Plum Sykes took a break from writing her second novel to host the Wednesday afternoon affair

Get psyched! (And be 'psyched' I obviously meant 'Syked'...phew, good thing I didn't let that one slip by me.)

Cheap Clothing at a Price?

The Imaginary Socialite (save the link Katrina, it's now or never) noticed that Forever 21 has Bible verses printed on the bag...I've noticed this too and it makes me wonder:

Are they all secretly weird like In 'N Out giving my hardearned money to weird religious organizations?

Just another good reason not to wear slutty clothes.

That's Deep

Have you ever noticed that some people's secrets are all deep and shit

...and some people's aren't.

BTW, all I want to do is cut ALL my classes and spend my days in Borders reading magazines and Gossip Girls and drinking Starbucks Peppermint Mochas with whipped cream.

Maybe there's something deep behind my need to read really bad books and drink really expensive sugar?

[more deliciously deep dark chocolate secrets at PostSecret]

OMG! I Totally Recognize That Barn!

Seriously! I drive by it on my way to go hiking!!! (Yes, I am a dork)

God, I love it when the NY Times talks about Silicon Valley (in this case Wheels and Deals in Silicon Valley ) It makes me feel like I'm right in the thick of the action....not like I've been on a bike since the summer before my freshman year when I fell off my bike on the way home from summer school and ripped my jeans, but that doesn't mean I'm not special.

BTW, I love how they make it sound like the "Silicon Valley elite" (ha ha) are all batshit insane....like this woman, when it's really those damn journalists who are insane. I swear they had an article about people exercizing while doing business like, yesterday? And what do bike helmets and spandex have to do with Fashion & Style? I think there are some things about these New York people that I will never understand.

Scarlett's Letter is 'P' for Poser

(If the title didn't instantly make sense to you, you should take more high school english classes so that you can do LAME activities which involve you pinning construction paper letters to your clothing and feeling like a kindergardener)

Anyway, the reason Scarlett should be wearing a 'P' is because according to the whores of fashion's analysis of her NY Times article,

"Ms. Johansson showed up for an interview looking all Kurt Cobain (converse, ripped jeans, cardigan, Truman Capote's In Cold Blood) only to talk about her Tiffany's jewelry, antiques, cashmere, and micro-dogs."

Whatever, that's totally what I would do if I was rich...except for the parts about converse and books and dogs because those things are all dumb and boring.

[Whores]
[NY Times]