The New and Improved Goblet of Fire

Okay, you can judge for yourself whether Xiaxue's version actually improves on the original by all the creative cast/plot twists...but either way, it's pretty funny and it's also a lot less bo-ring in my own personal opinion, partly due to the gratuitous nudity and slut casting. (Plus Ron and Voldemort are soooo much hotter now.)

Oh, and BEFORE CLICKING THE LINK: please take the new GoF with a large grain of salt, especially with regards to:

1) the Maltreatment of Olsens--especially of the MK variety. Boo.
2) The notion that Tom Welling might make a hotter Cedric..Um, NO!

However, Xiaxue tackles the issue of too-pretty Hermione brilliantly! I know I was upset to discover that Hermione was already gorgeous....thus how can she be suddenly transformed for the Yule Ball? Hm???? Xiaxue reminds us of how

"Harry said he discovered that Hermione's grin was so different now that she had shrunk her teeth, and her hair, usually in a big messy bush, was sleek and combed into a smooth bun tied at her nape... And her posture was just different, maybe it was the absence of the dozen or so books slung over her shoulders"

Luckily the genius idea of casting Hilary Duff (with frizzed out hair and her own glistening veneers) as pre-Yule Ball Hermione is perfect!

Okay, now that we've got that straight, you can go read it yourself.

Oh Please, She's Just "Acting"

In case you didn't see the video of Kate Moss (topless) and "dancing" around looking, um...possibly a little bit high. Here's another link that's still working.

And NO, she's not weird she's just doing her job and as we all know from watching Top Model modeling involves lots of really demanding, emotional shoots like this. Apparently this video is part of the "Moving Fashion Project" for Showstudio. She's "interpreting" "Sheena is a punk rocker" by the Ramones. And since the Ramones were punk she decided to pogo......see, totally explainable.

And yes, I'm sure, she hit her head on the fan on purpose too. It's all part of being punk, okay?

I'm Crying on The Inside

I know that it's Thanksgiving and we're supposed to be thinking happy thoughts...but I'm how can I be happy when my (probably) favoritest ever (although not the way it's been recently) show is cancelled. No matter how much it sucked, I was still loved this show. Pooh. I hate networks and their stupid ratings issues. And I HATE Ben Affleck because this is ALL HIS FAULT!!!

Baffleck --> End of Varner --> J.Garner slowly turns evil --> J.Garner becomes pregnant with evil spawn (and gets fat) --> Vaughn gets kicked off the show effectively killing Alias.

November 23, 2005 ABC SET TO BEGIN COUNTDOWN TO “ALIAS” SERIES FINALE “Alias” will end its five-season run in May 2006, it was announced today by Stephen McPherson, president, ABC Entertainment... (The rest of the official statement is after the jump including info about what's happening for the rest of this season)

The spy drama, which over the course of its run has garnered seven Emmy Awards, stars Jennifer Garner in her 2002 Golden Globe Award-winning role as CIA agent Sydney Bristow. “Right out of the box, ‘Alias’ attracted a cult following of fans that were completely invested in the show,” Mr. McPherson said. “J.J. Abrams and his team developed characters that were compelling and storylines that were intricate and engaging, and Jennifer and the rest of the cast brought them to life. We owe both the storytellers and the fans a send-off worthy of a show that has been such a big part of the pop culture vernacular. J.J., Jeff Pinkner, Ken Olin, Jesse Alexander and Jeffrey Bell have an amazing story arc planned for the remainder of the season. ‘Alias’ is not going to wind down as it comes to an end, it’s going to rev up, and we’re going to make it the event it deserves to be.” Added Mark Pedowitz, president, Touchstone Television: “’Alias’ has sustained its identity as a critical favorite because J.J. Abrams and everyone involved in this series set the bar for quality entertainment. We have been honored to work with them all, especially Jennifer Garner, who has our eternal admiration and appreciation for her dedication to the role and unarguably the best demeanor in the business.” “Alias” executive producer Jeff Pinkner added: “This news, and its timing, is a mixed-blessing. Though we’re obviously very saddened to face the reality that ‘Alias’ is coming to an end, the lasting quality of every good story is determined by its conclusion—this news gives us the freedom to end the series in the climactic way it deserves.” “Five years ago J.J. Abrams designed ‘Alias’ to encompass a unique and challenging blend of spy-adventure, family drama and love story that contained deeper mythological elements,” he continued. “The arc we have planned for the remainder of the season will honor all of these disparate elements, as we wrap up the story of Sydney Bristow in a surprising and, we think, thrilling way.” “J.J., and all of us here feel blessed by our fans, the brilliant cast we’ve been fortunate to work with, our amazing crew and the support of Touchstone and ABC.” “Alias” stars Jennifer Garner as Sydney Bristow, Victor Garber as Jack Bristow, Ron Rifkin as Arvin Sloane, Carl Lumbly as Marcus Dixon, Kevin Weisman as Marshall Flinkman, Balthazar Getty as Thomas Grace, Rachel Nichols as Rachel Gibson and Élodie Bouchez as Renée Rienne. “Alias” was created by J.J. Abrams, who executive-produces the series along with Ken Olin, Jeff Pinkner, Jesse Alexander and Jeffrey Bell. The series, which is filmed in Los Angeles and premiered on September 30, 2001, is from Touchstone Television. -- ABC --

Are They or Aren't They?

Us weekly is reporting that Nick & Jessica are really, seriously over.

Hm, the announcement (after the jump) does seem pretty official, butI don't know if we can believe them or not after the disappointment of last time.

Update:If Mahncy heard it on NBC than I guess it's really true. Whatever.

EXCLUSIVE: Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey Announce Separation To Us Weekly 10pm EST

November 23, New York — A month after Us Weekly first reported on the breakup of Newlyweds Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, the couple has jointly announced an official separation. ‘After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways,’ the couple tells Us in an exclusive joint statement. ‘This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that you respect our privacy during this difficult time.’ Us Weekly first reported the couple’s split in its October 17 issue; at that time, Lachey’s publicist issued a denial of an official separation. Just last week, Lachey partied alone with pals in Miami, on November 22, he attended the American Music Awards without his wife, one day after the New York Post reported that a porn star was peddling a seamy story about her night with Lachey (Lachey’s attorney has denied any impropriety). Tellingly, at the AMAs, Simpson’s father Joe Simpson told an Us reporter of his daughter’s ongoing media scrutiny, ‘We are Simpsons, we take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’.’

The telegenic couple wed in Austin, Texas in October 2002 in front of 250 guests. ‘You don’t think it’s possible to love the man you’re looking at any more. But when you say ‘I do,’ you somehow end up loving him even more,’ Simpson told Us in October of 2004. ‘When I walked down the aisle it was like Romeo and Juliet.’ The duo became international celebrities by televising their first years of marriage on MTV’s Newlyweds. While the show was wildy successful and the duo reaped the benefits of their newfound fame — both released albums and Jessica, who earned $35 million last year, landed a starring role in 2004’s Dukes of Hazzard (in contrast, Nick’s solo debut, only a paltry 105,000 copies)— reports of trouble have dogged the relationship since the second season of Newlyweds. During the filming of Dukes of Hazzard in the fall of 2004 the couple were apart for months as Simpson stayed onset in Lousiana while Lachey continued to live in Los Angeles. ‘We knew when we got married that we both had aspirations in our professional lives,’ Lachey told Us in December 2004. ‘Some of those dreams are coming true and it means we’re not always together.’

More Evidence Harry and the Gang are Growing Up?

Hm, on a less prurient note: does anyone else think Hermione is totally wearing the same dress in both of these photos--she just threw on some skanky 90s-esque sheer thingy over it in the 2nd one?

Not that I'm criticizing her or anything. Obviously she doesn't care about prissy things like dresses anymore because she's punk rock--note her flaming Converses with mismatching laces...whoa.

And on the subject of Converses....um, obviously Harry's just a lame, preppy little boy compared to the utter toughness of Ron and Hermione--note half-in-the-picture Ron, and that (shiny?) purple shirt on Harry in the first photo and electric blue tie in the 2nd...um. I'm sorry Harry but you're really not pulling that shit off.

[Dlisted link]

LB Withdrawal

What with the 2nd season of Laguna Beach drawing to a close I think we're pretty much all feeling the painful pangs of withdrawal.

All that we have are those brief moments that constituted the preview for season 3. Luckily, TVgasm has analysis of said preview...and they noticed what I noticed, which I'm sure you noticed too: the guys for next season look pretty hot! Mmm, looks good---wha, um what are you doing here? (Or in the words of TVgasm:

"...is Abercrombie & Fitch paying to have their models attend Laguna High? It's kind of like Never Been Kissed, except instead of Drew Barrymore, there's abs!"

Beautiful Lies Colliding

Priceless liner notes from Lindsay Lohan's new album. And I say priceless, because it's obviously going to be a collector's item as proof of the short-lived entity that was Lindsed Loheto

JL - are you a beautiful lie or are you my fatal crime? Am I your beautiful lie or are you my beautiful life? I hope the 2 beautiful worlds or lie's and life's collide. With the good karma on my side. Because I know I'm right. Thanks for being a companion through this record...love you...and thank you for coming into my life. [Pink is the New Blog link]

Um, that's touching. Too bad Jared Leto has already gone out of her life and off to collide with some random blonde. (Yes, JL could possibly be some other beautiful liar in LiMoLo's life, but really what are the odds? Oh wait, both the real and fake Jason Lewis's came into her life this year...hmmm. Drama.)

Eva Longoria Wishes Us a Fucking Nice Thanksgiving

A woman who short-changed the parking attending by only giving him half of the required two dollars to leave the lot, yelled at him. (This was happening while she was trying to navigate her SUV and talk on the cell phone):

Attendant: “You only gave me a dollar?”
Shrew: “Jesus! It’s Thanksgiving. Be nice. FUCK!”

And she drove off.

Yes. I swear it was… I kid you not…Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria.

[Defamer link]

Joaq the Line

Um, I'm really sorry about that awful pun but once it popped into my head I just couldn't resist it. I did my best to change the title to something like "Joaquin Phoenix Walks the Line Between Crazy and Cool" or even something really simple like "Walk the Line"...but quite candidly, I just couldn't bring myself to delete it.

In the Joaq's own words: “Cash was addicted to pills, for me it was all about drinking.”...and for me it is all about the puns.

Innyhoo, loved this movie, love Joaquin...but he's either still kind of crazy (on top of the whole frog incident) or just the kind of guy who gets really into character.

"...while playing the addicted Cash pulled a sink out of the wall even though it wasn’t in the script." and very dramatic it was.

Plus he checked into rehab (for alcohol) right after filming, and on top of all that drama, Joaq threatens to leave acting

[source]

These are a Few of Her Favorite Things

Prompting me to wonder why I don't hang out in Oprah's studio audience...then I found out that the whole studio audience was full of Hurricane Katrina volunteers and workers, and I was suddenly very disappointed.

What happened to the idea that getting on Oprah's favorite things show was like winning the lottery or something. You could get lucky just by being boring and actually interested enough in Oprah to go be in her studio audience...now you have to do something good to get there???

That's messed up. I'd be fine with her making some new "give back to the Katrina volunteers show" but I'm really pissed at her for messing with the "favorite things" like this.

The List plus Oprah getting sexy are after the jump.

Without further ado...I introduce to you Oprah's 2005 favorite things:

• Philip Stein Teslar Diamond Watch
• Burberry Coat
• Burberry Purse
• UGG® Australia's Uptown Boot
• Garrett Popcorn Shops' CaramelCrisp® and CheeseCorn™ Tin
• The new Apple iPod
• "The Oprah Sweater" by Ralph Lauren
• Pure Color Cords
• Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker
• BlackBerry 7105T™ from T-Mobile
• Brownies from Moveable Feast Geneva
• Nike Free 5.0 iD®
• Kashwére® Shawl Collar Robe
• Croissants from Williams-Sonoma
• Hope in a Jar from Philosophy
• "Grace" Basket from Philosophy
• Oatmeal Cookie Dough from Fox & Obel Market
• The Oprah Winfrey Show 20th Anniversary Collection DVD
• Sony VAIO® FJ Notebook

And just for your viewing pleasure...here's Oprah trying on those favorite cords for us. Sexy, right?

What the SPF?

Um, Okay, Yea! Pictures of Britney's baby...who, um, totally looks different and more interesting than any other random baby you'd see with other random-er parents.

Why do magazines get so excited over baby pictures??? Do we seriously think pictures of a booooring normal old baby are worth millions of dollars?

Please, Sean Preston Federline, until you release your first album, I really don't want to see your (admittedly cute & happy) face.

More Britney info [Page Six link]

The AMAs in Brief

Yes, the AMAs are known to be boring and all..but how could I resist when they promised to showcase the talents of both Lindsay Morgan Lohan (LiMoLo) and her ever shrinking nemesis...Hilary "Horse Teeth" Duff?

Yeah and not only that but some good Tim McGraw action (...all that leather....) and a little bit of Cyndi Lauper (shown in dramatic black & white--for unknown reasons--and looking very grandmotherly according to Megan)

The rest of it was pretty much crap. Yeah, totally crap actually. And for those of you who were too intimidated to brave the sea of crappiness yourself...there's tons more pictures and highlights after the jump...





LiMoLo brings us peace....


Hilary brings the horse teeth (and looks incredibly awkward while tottering around the stage in mile-high gladiator style whore-boots)


Oh yeah, here she is floating onto the stage for her performance and showcasing the whore-boots...what you don't see are the one good part about the performance: her hilarious backup dancers pogo-ing around behind her while she vamps around like a little girl playing dress up.


This is Gwen Stefani...isn't she annoying and ugly? Yes


Yea! for Cyndi Lauper...I'm not sure what exactly was the point of having her at the AMAs singing really old music..but whatever, she's cool.

Ooh, look at Cyndi getting all into her music...


and of course...Mariah and her boobs winning awards, Yea Mariah!

Guess Who...

...followed Kate Moss to Arizona? Pete Doherty obviously.

Yup, Petie's gone to get rehabilitated at the same place Kate just checked out of.

In further P.Do. news, according to my November issue of Vogue, Petie's jacket in this picture (from Live 8) is from Topshop! How cute is that?

I think it makes me like him a leetle bit more. I mean he may be a terrible dad and an all around terrible drugged out guy, but I think he deserves some points for pulling off a girl's jacket, along with a pink satin scarf and a lovely string of pearls...also props on the blue eyeshadow Pete...it looks hot.

Naomi vs. Tyra: Walkoff!

See! Models really do have walkoffs to settle their "fierce feuds"!

And that's a just a little teeny taste of the excitement that came when Tyra decided it was time to settle the score with Naomi....we discovered that Tyra quit modelling not only because of her junk food weakness but also because of her Naomi-related stress. Po' Ty Ty Baby.

The fourfour recap
The TVgasm recap